Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
