I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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