Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
