I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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