The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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