I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
