I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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