You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
