nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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