it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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