why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
