I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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