So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
