Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
