I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
