haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
