ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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