AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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