I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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