You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
