he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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