member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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