when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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