Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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