I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
