so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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