So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
