my sisters under your porch take her home
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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