Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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