If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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