Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
