I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
