My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
