I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
