Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
