Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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