What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
