I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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