I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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