I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
