Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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