Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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