girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
