anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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