Can Purell be used as lube?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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