I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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