Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize