hell yes lets make some ravioli
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
