I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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