Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
