I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
