If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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