Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
