I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
