I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
