i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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