my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
