I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
