Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
