I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
