so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
