I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
