return my video game
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
