I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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