Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
