do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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