what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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